The recent news has been filled with the images of grieving parents who now are living with one of the most horrific events that can occur in a family.  Last week I read that actor Andrew Koenig, the 41-year-old son of actor Walter Koenig, who played Pavel Chekhov on Start Trek,  committed suicide in Vancouver, BC.  The former child actor, who starred on the show Growing Pains long suffered from depression.  Earlier this week it was reported that Michael Blosil, the son of Marie Osmond, committed suicide‎ by leaping to his death.  The news has been tragic.

These tragic deaths reminded me of a concerned father who recently called my office. He felt that his son was so disturbed and depressed that he feared he might hurt or kill himself.  It is comforting to know that his relationship was close enough to his son that he could be aware of the subtle changes to his son’s emotional state.  We discussed his options and what might make sense for his son.

With some people, the person thinking of suicide will disclose glimpses of their plans to selected people that might rescue them.  They do this, in part, because they want others to step up and prove they care or to save them. Many families that have had a member successfully end their own life have in review recognized how the person was trying to tell them in indirect and subtle ways.

Despite popular fear-based mythology that circulates in society about suicide, most people do not want to really die.  Additionally, people are so terrified of actually discovering that a family member or friend may seriously consider ending their own life that they will avoid discussion it.

If you suspect that someone may be contemplating suicide, in your warmest and most supportive way ask them directly. Are you thinking of suicide? How are you going to do it? When will you do it?  Do not be afraid to bring it up, it confirms for the contemplator that others really care, and while fear sometimes suggests that one shouldn’t ask, because if they haven’t thought of is yet, they may run right out and do it.  Bring the topic of suicide up and the discussion externalizes an internal thought process and exposes it to consequences that do not exist while it rattles around inside the head of the person contemplating ending his or her life.

Another common misconception about suicide is that if a person is determined to kill him or herself, nothing is going to stop them. Even the most severely depressed person has mixed feelings about death; there uniformly exists certain element of ambivalence, around the ending of one’s life. Most suicidal people don’t want death; they want to be free of the misery that has them chained into depressive thoughts and pervasive sadness.

Be supportive by letting the person know you care. Listen to them with all the kindness you can gather emotionally, you may notice that their deep and intense feelings do not appear rational, and that is to be expected.  This is not a situation where you can appeal to someone’s logic or rationality.  Avoid arguments, shame, guilt and other moralistic judgments about their behavior.  Call for help if your intuition “gut” whispers even a hint that this is serious. Do not worry about invading the person’s privacy, even if they threaten to end the friendship or family bond.

If you are concerned for a friend or family member that may be contemplating suicide or has suicidal tendencies, call 911, a hot line, or take the person to a crisis center, hospital emergency room.

Below are a couple of sources.

TERROS Mobile Crisis Intervention Services: http://www.terros.org/crisis.htm

TERROS continues to be one of the major providers of mobile crisis services to residents of Maricopa County.  Provided through a contract with Value Options, TERROS provides services 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and staffs teams comprised of certified behavioral health professionals who respond to calls received through the county-wide crisis hotline, (602) 222-9444 or 1 (800) 631-1314.

EMPACT- SPC: http://www.empact-spc.com/home.html

American Association of Suicideology accredited Center in Arizona. Providing 24 hour telephone intervention to people experiencing suicidal crisis.

24-Hour Crisis Hotlines:

800-SUICIDE — HopeLine Suicide Hotline (National)
480-784-1500 — Suicide/Crisis Hotline (Maricopa County)
866-205-5229 — Toll-Free Crisis Hotline (Arizona)

ARIZONA Suicide & Crisis Hotlines: http://suicidehotlines.com/arizona.html

Additional links: http://www.twloha.com/find-help/