Family Communication Part #7:  Family Identity – Beliefs, Values, and Attitudes All families have a collective sense of identity, sometimes that identity is an asset to the family and sometimes it is less so.  Family identity or the “this is who we are” is based on a foundation of beliefs, values and attitudes.  This family identity also carries with it a number of attached “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” that provide the matrix for family interactions to unfold. An example of a family belief system can be illustrated from a case where the grandparents, who had both been convicted felons, were raising five of their grandchildren because the parents of those kids were in prison.  Interestingly one 10 year old boy stated it this way, when he was talking about his life; “when I grow up and grow to prison I am going to . . . “   It was sad that his belief system and values as a child were already so tremendously influenced by the family attitudes. Most of the time families are running on an autopilot, so to speak, and rarely evaluate the family rules, beliefs, values or attitudes in a critical way.  Just as with most people, families rarely question who they are or how they are in the world until they are confronted with something that causes them pain or discontent.  When that pain or discontent happens, countless times families will end up doing more of the familiar, which just makes the problems worse.  When that is happening they occasionally need a neutral outsider to help them look at things differently. Families with histories of trauma, past abuse, depression and anxiety occasionally find that these symptoms become manifested in their families as part of the family culture and belief system. 

If you find that you need support to increase your ability to evaluate and look at things in a different more helpful way in family relationships then we encourage you to speak with one of our family counselors.