How many times have you found yourself planning your response before you have heard all of what a family member is saying?  This fairly common family communication style is frequently found in families where members feel unheard, or unappreciated.  This is a common family pattern with those that suffer from poor self-esteem, and depression.   

Having other members of your family listen, really listen to gain an understanding and to process what is being said by you without immediately falling into internal debates and judging you is a tremendous way to validate each other. Of course when this doesn’t happen then the opposite is true and you may not feel validated or valued by the other members of your family. 

Families where there is a history of physical and sexual abuse, domestic violence, or physical and emotional neglect also show poor skills generally in being able to really listen for understanding within their own family dynamic. 

Listening for understanding requires that you care more for the family member who is speaking than yourself.  This is very challenging for people that have had generations of trauma, abuse or addiction in their family, because they are trying desperately to meet their own unmet needs, so having energy for others sometimes taxes their abilities.            

If you grew up in or are currently living in a family with this style of communication it can be painful and emotionally upsetting.  Help is available through professional services of a counselor, life coach or therapist.