There is a general mythology that social anxiety or phobia begins in adolescence, and that it is an unfortunate experience of being a shy or awkward teenager.  Some writers even point back to childhood and express that “shy” children mature into adults with social anxiety.  However the reality is sometimes if not significantly more complex than those oversimplified answers.

Many that suffer from debilitating anxiety and social phobia grew up in environments where the family dynamics interrupted or interfered with normal psychological, emotional, and social developmental.  These family dynamics are collectively called traumagenic family dynamics and lay at the root of this challenging disorder.  Imagine yourself as a child that is raised in an environment where security, safety, stability nurturance, empathy and acceptance are sometimes available, but that they are not predictable or consistently present.  Where the family dynamic could be characterized as being detached, cool or unpredictable where those that “should” love and support you frequently manifest instability or unreliability.

A common outgrowth of this traumagenic family dynamic is a pervasive feeling that one is defective, bad, inferior, or invalid in important respects.  Sometimes children learn to be hypersensitive to criticism, rejection, be inordinately self-consciousness making continuous comparisons between some unobtainable ideal and themselves, of course always discovering how far they are from this imagined ideal.

Traumagenic family dynamics can set the stage and lay the groundwork for a child to adopt and carry a belief that they are in significant ways flawed and will inevitably fail, or is fundamentally inadequate relative to one’s peers, in areas of achievement. This often involves beliefs that one is stupid, inept, untalented, and ignorant which can lead to many of the following symptoms:

• Intense fear of being in situations in which you don’t know people, or feel that they are smarter, more educated, or successful.
• Fear of situations in which you may be judged, evaluated, made fun of or in any way be criticized.
• Constant and pervasive worrying about embarrassing or humiliating yourself
• Fear that others will notice that you look anxious, or are unattractive, or possibly recognize your ill at ease
• Anxiety that disrupts your daily routine, work, school or other activities through either absorbing thinking in possible disastrous scenarios or general confusion about how to accomplish tasks with a minimal amount of social contact.
• Avoiding doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment
• Avoiding situations where you might be the center of attention
• Extreme difficult in promoting yourself or your abilities even when extraordinarily talented

The price of social anxiety and social phobia is great and weighty in the lives of those that suffer it. Many of these richly talented and intelligent people struggle with omnipresent feelings of worthlessness or low self-esteem, and struggle to be assertive in most relationships, both work and personal. Many times the sufferer has a gargoyle like inner critic, screaming negative messages and vile accusations that are sometimes weakly referred to as negative self-talk as well as a tremendous fear and hypersensitivity to criticism.

Check back soon for part three:  Treatments for Social Anxieties and Phobias.