Recently a young 22 year old woman came into the office for a free consultation for depression.  She sat down in the office with the therapist and began to cry, those tears became sobs of pain.  She said, “I don’t want to hate myself anymore!”  She then began to relate her many disappointments and hurts.

Depressed, she was quite overweight, had few friends and had spent the last four years of her adolescence in protective custody by the state, due to one of mom’s boyfriends’ molesting her and her sister 3 years younger.  Additionally, she had a dysfunctional relationship of nine months that had just ended when her boyfriend started a relationship with her younger sister who is also her roommate. This woman exclaimed I hate myself.

After her consultation, when the self-loathing young woman had scheduled an appointment to return in a few days, the therapist mentioned to her supervisor about how sad it was that this bright, talented young woman was in a place where she found nothing worthwhile about herself and hated herself.

She felt disconnected from her family, who has repeatedly caused her hurt. Her demeanor and attitude likely created distance between herself and others. The therapist longed to help this young woman find solace and freedom from the limitations and sorrows of her life and to help her with her low self-esteem.

Many times when people feel hurt, betrayed or disappointed by others, they will respond by berating themselves.  They may not do so out loud, where others can hear the hurtful content of their thoughts, but certainly there are a number of horrible statements that people make about themselves when they feel hurt and disappointment.  “I hate myself”. “I hate my life”. “I wish I were dead”.

It is not unusual for people to disclose that they feel that they should have done more, been more, had more, or somehow meet the need of another, and when they see a failure they tend to personalize it as “their” failure rather than the failure of the relationship in a certain way or situation.

This self destructive tendency to beat up psychologically and emotional on one’s self for the failures, inconsistencies and behavior of others leads to many unhappy moments.  It is also a tremendous avenue along which the jalopy of depression and anxiety find their way into one’s life.

Anxiety, because you should be on guard not to make mistakes, be less than is required or be fallible like other human beings.  Depression when your efforts to resolve repeatedly fail, or so much is coming at the person at one time that they get swallowed up in the pain and feel like nothing is going to help so why try.

One can be free of these feelings, with an adjustment of life and thinking.  Sometimes one just feels overwhelmed to the point that knowing what to do is beyond one’s immediate understanding or skills.  That is when therapy for depression and seeking counseling for anxiety is really the vehicle for relief from the endless cycle of painful self judgments.

To learn more about how to raise your self-esteem read How to Raise Your Self-Esteem: The Proven Action-Oriented Approach to Greater Self-Respect and Self-Confidence