Anxiety and depression are frequently related to the type and quality of one’s internal dialogue. Would you want to live in the shadow of a bully for your whole life, causing you untold anxiety, panic, worry, confusion, apprehension and restlessness? Would you look forward with joy in your heart to spend time each day with a bully or a tyrant that blames you for things that go wrong?
In years of working with people who want to live life more fully and joyfully, an ugly truth has emerged. Most people carry an enemy within their own heads. I call that enemy the “Inner Bully”
The bully is dedicated to finding something wrong with you, your weaknesses, faults, failures and inadequacies and magnifying them in hopes of paralyzing you.
The inner bully may instill within you feelings of anxiety, anxiety attacks, worrisome thoughts, obsessive thoughts, apprehension, confusion and panic attacks.
These feelings can, at times, be overwhelming, stealing the joy out of your strengths, achievements, competencies and abilities, the inner bully leaves you feeling inferior. That corrosive inner voice also promotes impossibly high standards of perfection and then beats you up for the smallest mistake calling you names like: stupid, incompetent, ugly, selfish, weak and makes you believe that all of them are true.
The Bully also reads the minds of your co-workers, family members, friends, boss and convinces you that they are judging, bored, turned off, disappointed, or disgusted by you (or) they will be if you make the slightest sign of weakness or show human foibles.
Quieting the “Bully” is one of the challenges faced in trying to live happy and productive lives. Much improvement can be made by taking action to quiet that annoying and unpleasant inner bully. The following are tips can help improve management of the “Inner Bully”.
- Actively challenge negative thoughts and inner dialogues.
- Be flexible. Know what you can change and what you can’t, go with the flow, and be open to changes.
- Breathe slowly, deeply, and well. Relaxation begins with slow, deep breathing from your diaphragm.
- Learn to say “no”. It’s hard to say no sometimes, but recognize you can’t do everything, pace yourself.
- Go ahead and make mistakes. No one’s perfect. The only way we really learn is from our mistakes. Accept them as the natural process of growing in wisdom.
- Exercise brings out the body’s endorphins, natural pain-killers and pleasure-producing substances produced inside every one of us.
- Talk to a professional about what you are experiencing.
If you suffer from any of the following symptoms, you may be suffering from anxiety: nervousness, shot nerves, worry, restlessness, feeling up-tight, tense, overwhelmed, fearful, afraid, on-edge, edgy, agitated, aggravated, obsessive, jumpy, twitchy, apprehensive, if you have butterflies in the stomach, you feel disoriented, concerned, disturbed, fidgety, dread, overwrought, shook up, spooked, wired, besides oneself, OCD, rigid or panic. These may be telling signs of living with anxiety.
If you are afflicted by the symptoms of trauma we encourage you to call our office or schedule a complementary thirty minute consultation with one of our therapists at Psychological Health and Wellness, meet with one of our dedicated practitioners and learn how our trauma counselors can help you live a life free from the suffering effects of anxiety, depression and trauma. We are located in Mesa, AZ.