I took an urgent call recently from a young man who was in despair. He blurted out in a rush “how can I save my marriage?”

For the next ten minutes we talked about his marital difficulty; what he had already attempted to resolve the conflicts in his marriage, what he noticed about what made things worse or better.  As we discussed his particular marriage issues it became increasingly clear that there were some marital problems that needed immediate attention.

As I was thinking about his call I thought about things that might prove helpful not just to him but to anyone that is feeling like their marriage is in trouble,  things that many couples struggle with, that lead to conflict and discord, and even divorce.

One should note that this young man is a successful professional with an eight year marriage, after speaking with him it seems apparent that he is more mindless and oblivious than he was intentionally mean, hurtful or hostile. He simply doesn’t seem to be paying attention to the preferences of his wife.

His marriage seemed to come to a crisis point when he bought her a costly gold bracelet for Valentine’s Day. He was angry and hurt when his wife responded with frustration when presented her gift. The bracelet was large and heavy, with bulky links, which she didn’t appreciate as he felt she should.

When asked how he made the decision to purchase this particular bracelet, he said he just asked the clerk for the most popular bracelet that they sold. There was little thought put in about what his wife might like or what her preference in jewelry might be.

This leads back to a discussion of thoughtless, mindlessness behavior. Sound marriages generally have partners that are attuned to each other whereas being out of tune or unaware of your partner’s preferences conveys a feeling that one is disconnected or doesn’t really care and may lead to marital problems.

Avoidance, frustration, conflict, marital discord, if these are attributes that you experience on a consistent basis in a troubled marriage, you might want to find someone to help you work through these habits and to develop some new, more effective ones.  Marital therapy can greatly improve the above mentioned areas and help save your marriage and avoid divorce

If you find yourself in a troubled marriage that is afflicted by marital problems we encourage you to speak with one of our relationship counselors.