What is forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a choice to free the self from the bondage of negative and painful thoughts or memories related to a senseless act or premeditated and repeated injury.

From a psychological view though, forgiveness is really a mechanism to free the offended or injured party from the pain and misery of another’s senseless or hurtful action. Suzanne Freedman and Robert Enright published an article in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology that suggests that forgiveness should be a treatment goal in therapy. They write that forgiveness increases self-esteem in the forgiver, personal hope, lifts the weight of psychological depression and reduces anxiety. They believe that these beneficial aspects of forgiveness are essential to good therapeutic work.

Jack W. Berry and Everett Worthington suggest that there exist physical health implications and improved immune functioning when forgiveness is practiced by an individual. In 2005 the Journal of Personality reported research that demonstrated that those that forgive have an increase in cognitive flexibility, overall life satisfaction, positive emotions, and measurable decreases anger, anxiety, depression. With all these desirable benefits it is quite possible that forgiveness is one of the most selfish acts one can accomplish. While it may positively impact others, it absolutely has a healthful and beneficial effect in the life of the one doing the forgiving.

Forgiveness can be an act of self interest, which increases life satisfaction and creates a pervasive sense of betterment in one’s life. If one forgives to get these elements isn’t it truly a selfish act? Many people have had someone offend them, in large and small ways, and as long as there is a focus on the wrong or offending behavior, it gains in psychological magnitude and becomes increasingly salient.

Forgiveness, releases the energy that is being drawn to the memory and associated memories of the offending behavior, and allows for a more balanced intentional approach to life. So the advice of this article is to forgive offender to free you to be happier, healthier, and more mentally capable of meeting the challenges of life. In other words be selfish!

So how do we practice this act of selfishness called forgiveness?

• Examine how we have been cherishing and nurturing or grievances and pains is a first step. Once we know what, where and how we go about nurturing these hurtful memories and emotional scars, then we are ready to make some different choices.
• Letting go is a decision process, that requires that we clearly choose to forgive, and as with most skills takes practice and intentionality. This is a highly personalized process that requires one to decide to act in one’s own psychological and emotional self interest.

The benefits of forgiveness are many and plentiful, as the studies are beginning to establish. Feel a greater sense of personal worth, relief from anger and negative thoughts, anxiety, depression, fear and grief. So be selfish and gain a better and more wholesomely satisfying life.

Letting go of pain and resentment is not always easy to do. Forgiving and forgiveness can be difficult offer, allow and accept.