There is a general mythology that social anxiety or phobia begins in adolescence, and that it is an unfortunate experience of being a shy or awkward teenager.  Some writers even point back to childhood and express that “shy” children mature into adults with social anxiety.  However the reality is sometimes if not significantly more complex than those oversimplified answers. Read the rest of this entry »

According to Dr. Jeffery Young, Some of the problems that can emerge as a result of being raised in the unpredictable family environment include the following emotional and social impact: Read the rest of this entry »

One of the challenges to working with children in a clinical setting is that they are rarely strong enough to overcome the environmental press created by the family dynamics they are being raised within. In society today their is a movement away from accountability in general, and many times when a child therapist wants to address the environment that children are being raised within, the parents scream “FOUL BALL” and claim that they are being blamed for the bad behavior of their children. Read the rest of this entry »

Society has become self-focused. Some might call the entitled self selfish or self-centered Begin to free one’s self from the tyranny of power tactics, ego, and the relational havoc they generate. Read the rest of this entry »

There is a tremendous amount of discussion in the self-help world today about being true to one’s self, loving one’s self and following one’s purpose.  Some professionals and popular writers have suggested people should strive to love themselves and that if they can achieve such a noble thing that they will find life to be effortless filled with all their desires and that if they can be true to themselves, they are bound to find happiness and wholeness in a world of chaos.  There is certainly a piece of this that has a veneer of truth, though much of this thought is a public relations and marketing gimmick rather than something of substance.

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What comes with the tyranny of your inner critic/bully?

This is a continuation of my inner bully series.

The inner bully hosts a plethora of toxic friends.  These friends were once nice appropriate preferences that have now become Jehovahian absolutes or musts.   You will also notice that the Bully utilizes primarily binary thought processes full of judgment. Read the rest of this entry »

The first and most important thing you need to know about your inner Bully is that no matter how distorted and false his attacks may be, he is almost always believed. When your Bully says, “God, you’re dumb,” and that voice inside your head fills you up with self disgust, this judgment seems just as true to you as the awareness that you’re tired this morning, or that you have brown eyes, or that you don’t understand the latest video game or computer software as well as you “should”. Read the rest of this entry »

I have a screaming hateful voice in my head.

A couple of years ago a CEO of a midsized company who was a client made this statement in a session, “I have a screaming hateful voice in my head” after which he buried his face in his hands and sobbed.

After regaining his composure he described the pain he carried everyday, of never feeling like he was doing enough, intelligent enough, competent in his job or closest relationships, nor that he really had anything of value to offer.  As the discussion progressed, it was amazing how his real world accomplishments did nothing to bolster or assuage his inner feelings of inadequacy and feeling of being worthless.

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Recently a young 22 year old woman came into the office for a free consultation for depression.  She sat down in the office with the therapist and began to cry, those tears became sobs of pain.  She said, “I don’t want to hate myself anymore!”  She then began to relate her many disappointments and hurts.

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Family Communication Part #7:  Family Identity – Beliefs, Values, and Attitudes All families have a collective sense of identity, sometimes that identity is an asset to the family and sometimes it is less so.  Family identity or the “this is who we are” is based on a foundation of beliefs, values and attitudes.  This family identity also carries with it a number of attached “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” that provide the matrix for family interactions to unfold. Read the rest of this entry »